Welcome to The Plonkers official web site.
The New Forests very own Original Plonkers Agricultural Orchestra, The Plonkers
Celebrating their 40th Year in show biz.

The Plonkers Agricultural Orchestra are an ideal band for County Shows, Local Fetes, Carnivals and Pubs.
Combining the local 'yokel' Hampshur' wit of Golly on banjo, with 'Scrumpy' Country songs and an inventive band of very accomplished mooosicians.

The ORIGINAL Plonkers Agricultural Orchestra started life in 1979, when Golly entered the Lymington carnival with a cider-making machine 'float'. It was a two-wheeled cart, pulled by Plonker, the donkey, with whistles, bells and various gizmos. The cart was followed by Gordon on banjo, Bob on squeeze box, and a trombone and bass drum. They won first prize, playing the chorus of Drink Up Thee Zider (which is all they knew, but as they kept moving the crowd never realised this!) for the whole parade. They did this for a few years until the 'band' numbered 15. Then one year, the Singing Butcher, booked for the Lymington Vintage Fair, couldn't make it, and Golly was asked to stand in - the first booking for The Plonker's Agricultural Orchestra. They have been plaguing the New Forest and beyond ever since.
Last revised: September 25, 2018

Pictures from the 2017 Downton Cuckoo Fair, Click here to view.  If you can take it, scroll down the page for more!

The Plonkers next public performances are:

Saturday  29th and Sunday 30th September, 2018, The Plonker's Agricultural Orchestra will be appearing at:
The Burley Steam and Vintage Vehicle show.
Burley Park, Burley , BH244DJ
Sat 29th and Sun 30th September 2018

Golly will be appearing with The Plonkers new mobile stage, and, a gaggle of disorderly guests and resident players.
Be warned, Golly is doubling up as stage manager for the weekend, anything can and WILL happen. So don't say that you've not been warned!!!!! 

The Plonker's Agricultural Orchestra Photo Stream is now live, just click on the image to open (please note, this opens in a new window)

The Plonkers playing at The Downton Cuckoo Fair.

The Plonkers at Brockenhurst Station to mark The Queen’s 90th Birthday.

'Plonkers' dodging leather cricket balls at Pylewell Cricket Club

Click here for The Plonkers 2018 Gig List

  Latest News: 
The Plonkers® now have their latest CD 'In the can' Featuring Golly, Janette, and Rustic Ray,
'RUSTIC RUMPUS' has 15 new songs and is available now online and at gigs.
Available now, online and at all gigs

What's new:
The Plonkers online shop is now live. You can now purchase 3 of The Plonkers CD's. Proper Music, Second Eruption and Rustic Rumpus
This is the first time 'Proper Music' has been available on CD via the internet!
So, we now have 2 new CD's, 'Janet Beale On Accordion' and 'Rustic Rumpus'
Rustic Rumpus
is the very latest 2012 recording from Plonkers Agricultural Orchestra (15 new songs)
All CD's are priced at £9.99 and P&P is just £1 per order, so why not order more, it's still only £1
  Postage and packing is just £1 per order
We normally post our CD's within 24 hours of receiving your order, but please allow up to 10 days for delivery.
Guaranteed to keep your mother-in-law and any other unwelcome relatives away
Remember these CD's always sound better with alcohol


How to book The Plonkers..

If you would like to book The Plonkers, please email:

See The Plonkers Agricultural Orchestra live
For full details of up and coming bookings

Click here for the full updated Gig list
Many of The Plonkers gigs are only arranged with as little as a weeks notice so please check here for the regular updates.

This page was last revised on: September 25, 2018

The Plonker's™ band line up

The main band members of The Plonkers Agricultural Orchestra™ can be viewed here:

Get in touch


Last revised: September 25, 2018, 'Ampshire time

What is 'Ampshire time you ask?
according to Golly, 'Ampshire time is:
You eat when your hungry,
you go to bed when your tired,
and you get the job done when its finished.

The next update will be...................'Ampshire time
The clock on the right is set to 'Ampshire time

           'Ampshire time

For more details:
Copyright © 2018 (The Plonkers® Agricultural Orchestra). All rights reserved
*TM Trade mark No. 2393125 registered at the UK Patent Office press release

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